I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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