Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
