saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He felt like a one man threesome
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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