My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
