Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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