Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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