dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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