she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
