Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
