he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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