booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
