I could make wine with my vomit
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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