eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
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Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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