I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
