Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
