Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
