There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
