Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
