she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
