guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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