my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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