Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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