is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
