areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
