The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
