I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
