Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
