Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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