My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
