Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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