I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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