Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
