Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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