where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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