PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
