You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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