??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
