Someone shit on the floor
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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