just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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