So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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