i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
