You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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