...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
