The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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