Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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