I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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