In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
