I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dignity is for republicans.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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