It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
