Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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