you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
