I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
