Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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