I accidentally had phone sex last night
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
