I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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