dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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