You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
