Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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