the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ttyl tear gas
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
