eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am mentally ready for anal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
