so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
