how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think my moral compass just broke
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
