Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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