remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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