I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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