Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
