you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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