a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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