how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
