there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
