once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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